This Time Around The holidays..........

The holidays play a huge role within my life. Christmas and the other holidays that follow after that carry this feeling of coziness because you spend them with your family. This year it was quite different for me. It was as if the ghost from Christmas past came to pay me a visit this year. A scar that I convinced myself in having healed had managed to reopen once again.

One of my good friends, Jesse came around the holidays this year. It had been five years since I last spoke to him. Every now and then I lose myself in my own thoughts wondering why I decided not to make myself part of his life for those five years. Then it came to me and I remembered. In a way I hold a grudge against him for doing drugs, going to jail, for not caring about his own well being, and last but not least also for being oblivious to the fact that I was there to help him, if he ever wanted to make that transition from where he found himself at the time.

This year it was much different than the last and after I heard from him after those five years, he convinces me that he is going to school and that he doesn’t do drugs. Then to my dismay, I am forced to come face to face to two disappointments. The first disappointment was on December 21 because he disappeared once again. . Soon enough I find out, that the reason why he disappeared was because he was in jail. I feel angry with him still because for once in 10 years I wanted him to just celebrate the holidays with his loved ones. The second disappointment was when his use of drugs when he was released from prison.

It breaks my heart to watch this smart, beautiful person devalue himself. This year I realized that I am unable to mold people’s personalities or way thinking to my liking. I grew up with Jesse and I care for him so much. For once I would like witness a change in him, but for the time being I only hope he will change for the future.