A New Understanding

A new understanding……….

Frederick Douglas was a man full of curiosity and intelligence. He taught himself how to read and write and as soon as he had mastered both concepts he noticed that the world was unraveling before his very eyes. Evidently what Frederick Douglas realized about the world happens to everyone, with the exception that Frederick Douglas observed the world and its components to learn concepts from his surroundings.

As for me lately I have began to notice a certain pattern within humans just like Frederick Douglas because I actually stopped to acknowledge the subject I came to analyze the subject into more depth. This subject relationships. Why is that ninety percent of the time men and women fall apart when their partner abandons the relationship? Why is it that we choose to continue in the relationship even when one of the partners constantly brings down the other person? Many people do this because they find it perfectly normal. In reality was is normal? Does normal even exist ? Does right and wrong exist as well? What I have came to understand is that when one of the partners in a relationship is being emotionally, physically, and mentally abused is not really getting hurt from their partner but themselves. What people don’t realize is that we all have the power to leave, take, accept, and consider something or someone. We for some odd reason are unable to take the time to sit down with ourselves during this time period because we are afraid of being alone.

The truth is that when we are alone we tend to understand things much better. The one thing that everybody wants in life is happiness. Many people can agree to this, but if we know what we want, why is it that we choose to ignore it ? I have observed many people, including myself, where we are unhappy with this certain someone we need to understand that this is not the place for us . We need to value ourselves as the individuals we are, and most importantly, we need to leave our unhappiness behind because if we choose to stick around, our unhappiness then we will never expand the three stages of mind experience, interpretation, an analysis of aspects of our lives.

Nevertheless I have came to the conclusion that in the same way that Fredrick Douglas felt passionately about slavery and wanted to make a change; we need to become passionate about ourselves. If we are unhappy in a relationship, we must be passionate towards the fact that we love and respect ourselves to allow someone else to come and put out that flame that lives within us.

I Thought I Knew........

Today, I feel wrapped around a layer of confusion. This morning I literally pinched myself in order to convince myself that I was really awake to another day. Struggling with many emotions this morning I make myself get up from bed. Unsure of my feelings I keep pondering about the argument I had last night. I guess I’m still in shock of the piercing words that one of my most trustworthy friends said to me. As I am writing this right now, I hear the echo of her words replaying over and over again in my head. This puts me in a stage of confusion, one in which I start to question myself as an individual. To a degree I feel weak because she affected my emotions.

It is funny how one person’s opinion can really knock you right off your own two feet. It is funny how you think you know someone, but you don’t. It is funny how it makes you question, not only yourself but also your loved ones. Overall I guess the lesson that should be learned from this experience should be to trust only myself to succeed in everything the future will bring. I guess people like my “friend” are placed into my path to test my will.

Staying collected is the difficult part, especially when all the pieces of me are scattered all over the place . In a slow pace I encouraged myself to continue moving forward. I know that it will take searching and thinking today in order to recollect myself once again. I will absorb her words as a cool breeze , rather than a fierce wind.

Concentrating on the reflection of my face upon the computer screen I am chilled because I am chilled because I am able to ignore her judgment. However I am doubtful because of the venom her words carried, but I know that once that the venom is sucked out of my system I will come out on top and most importantly I will not allow anyone to define “ Who I am”.

This Time Around The holidays..........

The holidays play a huge role within my life. Christmas and the other holidays that follow after that carry this feeling of coziness because you spend them with your family. This year it was quite different for me. It was as if the ghost from Christmas past came to pay me a visit this year. A scar that I convinced myself in having healed had managed to reopen once again.

One of my good friends, Jesse came around the holidays this year. It had been five years since I last spoke to him. Every now and then I lose myself in my own thoughts wondering why I decided not to make myself part of his life for those five years. Then it came to me and I remembered. In a way I hold a grudge against him for doing drugs, going to jail, for not caring about his own well being, and last but not least also for being oblivious to the fact that I was there to help him, if he ever wanted to make that transition from where he found himself at the time.

This year it was much different than the last and after I heard from him after those five years, he convinces me that he is going to school and that he doesn’t do drugs. Then to my dismay, I am forced to come face to face to two disappointments. The first disappointment was on December 21 because he disappeared once again. . Soon enough I find out, that the reason why he disappeared was because he was in jail. I feel angry with him still because for once in 10 years I wanted him to just celebrate the holidays with his loved ones. The second disappointment was when his use of drugs when he was released from prison.

It breaks my heart to watch this smart, beautiful person devalue himself. This year I realized that I am unable to mold people’s personalities or way thinking to my liking. I grew up with Jesse and I care for him so much. For once I would like witness a change in him, but for the time being I only hope he will change for the future.